www.K2Lministry.com Help for the hurting Christian.

Depression.

Please Note
The following articles concerning depression are for informational purposes only.
The articles come from a variety of sources and we strongly advise seeking professional medical help should you, or someone you know, suffer from depression.
We place these articles in K2Lministry as we have an interest in people who are suffering from depression.
Each topic is purposely placed randomly on the pages.

Worst Things To Say To Someone Who Is Suffering From Depression.

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.

0. "What's *your* problem?"

1. "Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"

2. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

3. "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

4. "But it's all in your mind."

5. "I thought you were stronger than that."

6. "No one ever said life was fair."

7. "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

8. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

9. "Do you feel better now?" (Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)

10. "Why don't you just grow up?"

11. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

12. "There are a lot of people worse off than you."

13. "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"

14. "It's a beautiful day!"

15. "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"

16. "What do you have to be depressed about?"

17. "Happiness is a choice."

18. "You think *you've* got problems..."

19. "Well at least it's not that bad."

20. "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

21. "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

22. "Lighten up!"

23. "You should get off all those pills."

24. "You are what you think."

25. "Cheer up!"

26. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

27. "Why can't you just be normal?"

28. "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"

29. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

30. "You need to get out more."

31. "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]

32. "Get a grip!"

33. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

34. "Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."

35. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

36. "Get a job!"

37. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."

38. "You don't *look* depressed!"

39. "You're so selfish!"

40. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

41. "You're just looking for attention."

42. "Have you got PMS?"

43. "You'll be a better person because of it!"

44. "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

45. "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."

46. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

47. "Why don't you smile more?"

48. "A person your age should be having the time of your life."

49. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

50. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

51. "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL." (After confiding to supervisor about my depression.)

52. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

53. "You brought it on yourself."

54. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

55. "Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"

56. "Why should I care?"

57. "Snap out of it, will you?"

58. "You *want* to feel this way."

59. "You have no reason to feel this way."

60. "Its your own fault."

61. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

62. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

63. "Your problems aren't that big."

64. "What are you worried about? You should be fine."

65. "Just don't think about it."

66. "Go Away."

67. "You don't have the ability to do it."

68. "Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

69. "Go out and have some fun!"

70. "You're making me depressed as well..."

71. "I just want to help you."

72. "The world out there is not that bad..."

73. "Just try a little harder!"

74. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

75. "You need a boy/girl-friend."

76. "You need a hobby."

77. "Just pull yourself together."

78. "You'd feel better if you went to church."

79. "I think your depression is a way of punishing us."

80. "Sh*t or get off the pot."

81. "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

82. "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."

83. "You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting out of this."

84. This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake, i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favours, schmuck."

85. "Have you tried chamomile tea?"

86. "You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass."
87. "Oh, perk up!"

88. "Try not being so depressed."

89. "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."

90. "Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."

91. "You have to take up your bed and carry on."

92. "Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."

93. "Well, we all have our cross to bear."

94. "You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."

95. "You change your mind."

96. "You're useless."

97. "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

98. "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

99. "Of course you're depressed, just look at the TV you watch/music you listen to."

100. "People are depressed because they're too lazy to be happy."

101. "Quit trying to be a martyr."

102. "You're depressed because of demonic/Satan's influence in your life."

Anxiety, Depression & Manic Depression

Anxiety & changing moods? So what?
Aren’t they something we all go through?
Aren’t they helpful in their own way?
After all, anxiety can spur us on to prepare for an upcoming task. It can help us face danger. Depression can slow us down, offer us time to reflect & regroup. An energetic mood can help us accomplish necessary tasks. In everyday language, the words “anxiety” & “depression” describe moods that are all familiar to us.
But when anxiety or depression… seem to come out of nowhere… persist for many weeks without relief… interfere with living a normal life… then we’re not talking about ordinary moods anymore. We’re talking about an illness.
What are anxiety & depression?
Anxiety & depression are among the most common, most treatable forms of mental illness.

Anxiety
Anxiety sufferers may have a number of physical symptoms, including shakiness, muscle aches, sweating, cold & clammy hands, dizziness, fatigue, racing heart & dry mouth. Emotionally they may feel irritable & apprehensive, fearing that bad things are about to happen to themselves or their loved ones. But possibly the most noticeable consequence of anxiety is the way it so often leaves its victims virtually disabled. Imagine what it must be like to be too frightened to get in an elevator. To go to your office. To attend parties. At its most debilitating, anxiety can keep sufferers trapped in their homes, too frightened to so much as open the door.
Anxiety can be broken down into several types. People experiencing symptoms of anxiety should realize that it is a common disorder which is very treatable.
Phobia
This term describes the kind of terror, dread or panic that overwhelms anxiety sufferers when they are faced with a feared object, situation or activity. Many common phobias are familiar to us: fear of snakes, enclosed spaces, airplanes are just a few. But other phobias are less well known. Something as simple as a business lunch may turn into a nightmare for someone with a fear of eating in front of others. Agoraphobia, the fear of being in a public space with no escape, like a bus or a crowded store, can leave the victim housebound.
Panic Disorder
Panic Disorder victims suddenly suffer intense overwhelming terror for no apparent reason. Their fear is accompanied by other symptoms, including sweating, heart palpitations, hot or cold flashes, choking or smothering & feelings of unreality.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
For Obsessive Compulsive Disorder sufferers, obsessions are a way of coping with their anxieties: repeated, unwanted thoughts or compulsive behaviours, rituals that get out of control. Victims may deal with, for example, unwanted sexual thoughts, by cleaning themselves so compulsively their hands bleed.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
This can affect anyone who has survived a severe & unusual physical or mental trauma. Witnesses to a violent auto accident or survivors of a life-threatening crime may develop this illness, which tends to be more severe the less it was anticipated. Some victims find themselves re-experiencing the traumatic events though nightmares, night terrors or flashbacks. Others numb themselves emotionally, startle easily, are plagued by general anxiety, inability to sleep, poor memory, difficulty concentrating or completing tasks & feel guilty about their own survival.

Depression
1 in 4 women & 1 in 10 men can expect to develop depression at some point in their lives, though very often that’s not what they’ll call it. They may not realize that what they are experiencing are symptoms of a potential treatable illness. And that’s too bad. Because when depression is recognized & treated, the success rate is high.
Signs to look for are pervasive feelings of sadness, of helplessness, hopelessness & irritability. Other symptoms include the following:
a noticeable change of appetite that brings about a significant gain or loss of weight;
problems sleeping or waking;
sudden loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed;
fatigue;
feelings of worthlessness & guilt;
headache & stomachache
People experiencing depression may have thoughts of suicide. Many doctors believe, in fact, that depression is the illness that underlies the majority of suicides in Canada. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among people between the ages of 15 to 24. It is important to always remember that help is available for depressive illness.

Later in life the symptoms of depression - including memory impairment, slowed speech & movement - can be mistaken for those of senility or stroke.

Depression can strike at any age. Its emotional & physical symptoms are notable for their persistence. Many people experiencing depression find it hard to do anything at all, even to get up enough energy to call a doctor. But taking that first step may start them on the road to recovery.
Major Depression
Sufferers lose interest in the things in life that once gave them pleasure. The habits of a lifetime may simply be placed to one side, replaced by an attitude of utter apathy.
Manic Depression
Manic depression is an illness which is found in about 1% of the population. People with manic depression experience periods of depression as described earlier, as well as periods of mania. During an episode of mania, some or all of the following symptoms may be noticed: excessive energy, racing thoughts & flights of ideas, pressured speech, grandiose delusions or inflated self-esteem, overspending, decreased need for sleep, impaired judgment, extreme irritability or rapid unpredictable mood changes. There are a variety of effective treatments available for manic depression.
Theories About Causes
There is no single cause of anxiety or depression. Rather, physical & environmental triggers may combine to give rise to anxiety, depression or manic depression in certain people. Some scientists believe that anxiety is a learned response, that people are taught to fear situations or objects. Some psychoanalytic theory suggests that anxiety stems from an unconscious conflict, an illness, fright or emotionally laden event that happened to the victim as a child.
Life events & the way you have learned to respond to them may make you more susceptible to depression. Some medications can cause depression or mania, as can a medical illness. Stress, like the loss of a loved one, a divorce or even a promotion at work, can all bring on depression or mania in susceptible individuals.
Finally, in the cases of each of anxiety, depression & manic depression, scientists are learning the importance of brain biochemistry. Biochemical imbalances seem more & more to be a significant part of the problem.

Treatments
Anxiety, depression & manic depression are illnesses that can be treated very successfully with a combination of psychotherapy & medication. Anti-anxiety medications, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers & other medications aimed at alleviating symptoms are widely available through physicians. In cases of depression where other treatments have failed or are not possible, electroconvulsive therapy has been used with success. Also self-help support groups help people feel less isolated in that sufferers can hear the words of others who have been through similar experiences.
Reclaiming Lives
Anxiety & changing moods are part of everyone’s life. But that’s a fact that should help us understand those in need, not discourage them from seeking treatment. Anxiety keeps many feeling frightened & alone. Depression, many doctors believe, is the underlying cause of most suicides.
With proper treatment, the suffering can end. There is more than just hope for success, there is abundant evidence of it. Lives can be reclaimed.

Best Things to Say To Someone Who is Depressed.
It is most tempting, when you find out someone is depressed, to attempt to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed person has given you permission to be their therapist (as a friend or professional), the following responses are more likely to help.

1. "I love you!"

2. "I Care"

3. "You're not alone in this"

4. "I'm not going to leave/abandon you"

5. "Do you want a hug?"

6. "I love you" (if you mean it).

7. "It will pass, we can ride it out together."

8. "When all this is over, I'll still be here" (if you mean it) "and so will you."

9. "Don't say anything, just hold my hand and listen while I cry."

10. "All I want to do know is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.."

11. "Hey, you're not crazy!"

12. "May the strength of the past reflect in your future."

13. "God does not play dice with the universe." - A. Einstein

14. "A miracle is simply a do-it-yourself project." - S. Leek

15. "We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through" - (from someone's sig)

16. "If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." - a codeveloper of Prozac, quoted from "Listening to Prozac"

17. "You have so many extraordinary gifts--how can you expect to live an ordinary life?" - from the movie "Little Women" (Marmee to Jo)

18. "I understand your pain and I empathize"

19. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me."

20. "I listen to you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you. I just can't imagine how hard it must be."

21. "I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion."
22. "You are important to me."

23. "If you need a friend....." (and mean it)

What To Do If You Are Depressed

If you're not getting treatment
I'm assuming that you are reading this because you are pretty sure you have depression. It is doubtful that a page with this title would appeal to you otherwise. Let's also assume that you haven't looked for depression treatment yet.
Having said that, I encourage you, as strongly as I can, to get help! Call your doctor, a crisis line (a suicide-prevention line will do--even if you aren't suicidal, they can help), a clergyman, or anyone listed in the Yellow Pages as a psychologist, social worker, or psychiatrist. Any of these people will be happy to help, either by beginning your treatment, or referring you to someone who will.
I know all of the reasons why you don't think you can, or should, do this. Here are some of the thoughts you may be having about it and my responses to them: I don't have depression, this is just "a phase" which will pass.
If your lousy mood has gone on for more than a few weeks, it's not going to "pass" all by itself. Get help. All I have to do is "get my act together." I can snap out of it.
Doesn't work that way. First of all, "get your act together" is meaningless. The reason you feel as though things are out of control is the depression itself. Until you address the depression, you cannot just "snap out of it." Get help. I don't need a pill to make me feel better.
Anti-depressants don't "make you feel better." They simply take the edge off of the depression so that you can work your way out of it. A professional, not you, is better able to tell if medication will help. Talk to one; get help. But I don't want to become addicted!
Anti-depressants are non-addicting. Get help. Therapy won't do any good, I can always talk to my friends.
Really? Hmm. How is it that you are depressed, then, if the help you need is there when you want it? Obviously this approach doesn't work for you! Get help. I don't feel like going to therapy and dredging up the past.
All the more reason to go. You may be depressed because of those things you don't want to talk about. Get help. If people find out I'm depressed, they'll think I'm nuts.
OK, I won't lie to you. Depression carries a stigma in our culture. There will be people whose opinions of you may change, if they hear you have depression. However, are those the type of people you really want to have around you? Of course not--they are ignoramuses. Besides, getting help doesn't mean everyone has to know you are depressed. Even if some people think you are "nuts," this is nothing compared to the depression. Get help. It won't work for me.
That's the depression talking. Tell it to "shut up" by getting help. I deserve this, I ought to suffer, I shouldn't get rid of it.
I've heard the "punishment from God" stuff before, and believe me, it just isn't so. The God most people worship doesn't want people to suffer, He wants them to be happy. Get help. I've heard it takes a long time to get better and I'm at the end of my rope, now; I can't wait.
I won't lie about this either. It will take a few weeks for you to feel noticeably better. But at least you know you're getting somewhere. Sitting around moping certainly isn't any better than trying treatment. Get help.

New Study Contributes to Understanding Why Depression Is So Difficult For Some People To Shake Off

Someone who is "down in the dumps" or feeling "blue" might welcome and be cheered by a kind word. Someone with clinical depression, however, not only might not welcome such a gesture, but might prefer to hear something negative. That's the finding of a new study published in the August edition of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Journal of Abnormal Psychology which suggests that depressed people not only avoid favourable feedback, they actively seek negative feedback.
The authors note that other studies have found that people with depression tend to engage in behaviours that "create around themselves the very environments that sustain their negative self- views." Those behaviours, which tend to alienate people who might otherwise try to help, include excessive self-disclosure, hostile speech, negative self-evaluation, lack of responsiveness, reduced eye contact, negative facial displays and slowed or monotonic speech. With this study, the authors provide evidence suggesting that people with depression sometimes enact these behaviours in service of eliciting negative feedback.
For their study the authors recruited three groups of participants: people who were clinically depressed (28), those who were not depressed and had high self-esteem (20) and those who were not depressed but who had low self-esteem (25). Each participant was asked to complete a packet of questionnaires and was told that their answers would be the basis for a personality assessment by each of two graduate students. They were also asked to rank five of their own attributes (such as intellectual ability and social competence) in the order of how much they wanted to receive feedback on each one.
Later, the participants were given what they thought were summaries of the graduate students' assessments of them. But, actually, everyone got the same two summaries, one of which was positive ("this person seems well adjusted, self-confident, happy, etc."); the other was negative ("this person seems unhappy, unconfident, uncomfortable around others, etc."). They were then asked to choose which of the full versions of the positive and negative assessments they most wanted to read. They were also asked to rate the accuracy of the two summaries.
Only 25 percent of the high self-esteem group chose the unfavourable assessment over the favourable one. Sixty-four percent of the low self-esteem group chose the negative assessment. In contrast, 82 percent of the depressed participants chose the unfavourable assessment over the favourable one. Of the three groups, only the depressed participants rated the negative assessment as more accurate (i.e., self-descriptive) than the positive assessment.
There were also marked differences between the groups regarding on which personal attribute they said they most wanted feedback. While 58 percent of the high self-esteem group listed their best attribute first, only 36 percent of the depressed participants listed their best attribute first, suggesting depressed individuals fail to pursue evaluations that are likely to be favourable as aggressively as non-depressed people.
But, the authors caution, these data should not be taken to mean that depressed people should be blamed for their own depression. Seeking feedback that is consistent with one's own self-views, they note, is part of the process we all employ to maintain or restore feelings of prediction and control. People with depression, then, are doing what people with high self-esteem do: looking for confirmation of their own self-views. Unfortunately, because depressed people tend to possess negative self-views, seeking feedback that confirms those views produces the added and unwanted effect of maintaining their depression.
Reference: "Self-Verification in Clinical Depression: The Desire for Negative Evaluation" by R. Brian Giesler, Baylor College of Medicine and Houston Veterans Affairs Medical Centre; Robert A. Josephs, Ph.D., and William B. Swann, Jr., Ph.D., University of Texas at Austin, in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, Vol. 105, No. 3, pp 358-368.

If You Know Someone Who's Depressed
Assuming the depressed person has been diagnosed and is in treatment.
The Main Problems for Friends and Family Let me start by saying that I, for one, appreciate your wishing to understand someone else's depression. I commend you for taking an interest in a very difficult subject and for wishing to help. In an indirect way, you're a victim of depression too because this illness impinges on everyone around the people who have it.
Pardon my bluntness, but there are a few things you really need to know, before you get too far into this subject. You cannot cure someone else's clinical depression. It is not just sadness which can be waved off with a few kind words. It goes far deeper than that. If you are going into this with the heroic notion that you can somehow "fix" it for your friend, spouse or relative, then you need to disavow it immediately. Operating on this assumption will only frustrate you and does no one any good.
There are ups and downs in depression recovery. It is neither swift, nor steady. Your friend or relative is going to go on the decline, now and then. Don't think it's because you are failing them or they are not trying hard enough. The "roller-coaster" effect is just a part and parcel of depression.
Please don't tell a depression patient that "you understand." Unless you, yourself, have experienced clinical depression, you don't. And your friend, spouse or relative knows it. It's not a bad thing; since understanding depression means having it. I'd rather that no one, anywhere, understood it. The point here is to be honest with your friend or relative and don't profess things that aren't so. Sincerity will help him or her a great deal; it will engender trust, which every depression patient has a problem with, at one time or another.
No one wants to make your life miserable by being depressed. Try not to view someone else's depression as your own affliction. Rather, be grateful that you don't have clinical depression and try to realize what the other person is going through. Don't take the things your friend, spouse or relative says/does, personally. They aren't meant that way.
Recovery from depression is not just a matter of taking anti-depressant medication and going to therapy. Both the depression and recovery from it can totally change a person's life. Treatment involves a lot of fundamental changes in a person. At times, you'll wonder if it's the same person you've known for so long. Believe me, it is--the depression probably hid the "real person" from your view, up to the point that he or she was diagnosed and began treatment.
At times, it may seem that the person is actually pushing you away. This is very likely true. Most depression patients believe that they unduly affect those around them and will do anything to prevent that from happening. Thus, they isolate themselves from others. This kind of self-sabotage is actually a symptom of the illness itself. Don't let it overcome your relationship. Try to understand that this is often involuntary and irrational, and act accordingly.

When Someone You Love Is Depressed
Clinical depression is an affliction of the mind, body and spirit that affects over 17 million Americans. If you are the partner, parent, child or friend of someone who is undergoing a depressive episode, the pain of seeing a loved one in the depths of clinical depression can be almost as torturous as being depressed oneself. Your understanding of the illness and how you relate to the patient can either support or deter his or her ability to get well. Here are some important ways in which you can help the healing process.
1) If a friend or family member's activity and outlook on life starts to descend and stays down not just a few days, but for weeks, depression may be the cause. The first way you can be of support is to help the person to recognize that there is a problem. This is especially crucial, since many people fail to realize that they are depressed. Begin by encouraging your friend to share his or her feelings with you. Contrary to myth, talking about depression makes things better, not worse. Once it becomes clear that something is amiss, you can suggest that he or she seek professional help. (This is critical since only one third of people with mood disorders ever receive treatment.) You can be of further support by accompanying your friend to his initial doctor's or therapist's appointment and subsequently monitoring his or her medication. In addition, explain that seeking help for depression does not imply a lack of emotional strength or moral character. On the contrary, it takes both courage and wisdom to know when one is in need of assistance.
2) Educate yourself about the illness, whether it is depression, manic depression, anxiety, etc. Learn about symptoms of the illness and how to tell when they are improving. Your feedback to the psychiatrist or therapist about how your friend is faring will help him or her to assess if a particular treatment is working.
3) Provide emotional support. Remember, what a person suffering from depression needs most is compassion and understanding. Exhortations to "snap out of it" or "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" are counterproductive. The best communication is simply to ask, "How can I be of support?" or "How can I help?"
4) Provide physical support. Often this means participating with your friend in low-stress activities-taking walks, watching movies, going out to eat-that will provide an uplifting focus. In other instances you can ease the depressed person's burden by helping with the daily routines-running errands, doing shopping, taking the kids out for pizza, cooking, vacuuming the carpet, etc.
5) Encourage your friend to make a list of daily self-care activities, and them put them into practice.
6) Monitor possible suicidal gestures or threats. Statements such as "I wish I were dead," "The world would be better off without me," or "I want out" must be taken seriously. The belief that people who talk about suicide are only doing it for the attention is just plain wrong. If the person you care about is suicidal, make sure that his or her primary care doctor is informed. Don't be afraid to talk with the person about his or her suicidal feelings. Meanwhile, hold on to the possibility that your loved one will get better, even if he or she does not believe it.
7) Don't try to talk the depressed person out of his feelings, even if they are irrational. Suppose the depressive says, "My life is a failure," "Life is not worth living," or "All is hopeless." Telling him he is wrong or arguing with him will only add to his demoralized state. Instead, you might want to say, "I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. What might we do right now to help you feel better?"
8) Maintain a healthy detachment. You may become frustrated when your well-meaning advice and emotional reassurance are met with resistance. Do not take your loved one's pessimism personally-it is a symptom of the illness. When the light you shine is sucked into the black hole of depression, you may become angry or disgusted. Direct your frustration at the illness, not the person. People who suffer from depression complain that their families' resentment over their condition often leads to neglect or outright hostility.
9) If prayer is something you believe in, then pray for your friend's healing. Turn his or her welfare over to the care of a Higher Power. In addition, you may wish to place his or her name on any prayer lists that you can locate (see my book for a listing of prayer ministries). Prayer goes directly to a person's unconscious where it will not meet the negative thinking so commonly found in depression. To respect the person's confidentiality, it is best to pray privately. Moreover, if you put a loved one's name on a prayer list, use first name only.
10) Establish communication with other people in the person's support network-e.g., family members, friends, physicians, therapists, social workers, clergy, etc. By talking to other caregivers, you will obtain additional information and perspective about the depressed person. If possible, arrange for all of the caregivers to meet together in one room for a brainstorming/support session. In this way, you will be working as part of a team-and not in isolation.
11) Take good care of yourself and your needs. It is easy to get immersed in your friend's care and lose your own sense of self. You may also experience "contagious depression"-i.e., taking on the other person's depressive symptoms-or you may get your own issues triggered. Here are some ideas on how to "inoculate" yourself so that you can stay cantered enough to truly help.
Take good care of your body. Make sure that you are getting adequate food and rest.
Find a safe place to process your feelings. In the role of being a caregiver, you may feel powerless, helpless, worried and scared (when you hear talk of suicide), or resentful and frustrated (at your inability to heal the pain). Or, you may fear being pushed over the precipice into your own depression. Process your frustrations and fears with a trained therapist or a friend; you will be less likely to dump your negative mood (anger, fear or sadness) on the person who is suffering. Remember, it is okay to have negative thoughts as long as you don't act on them.
Maintain your routine as much as possible. Although you may need to adjust your work schedule or other routines to accommodate helping a depressed person, keep your life as regular as possible. Don't become so involved that you lose touch with friends and social support.
Learn to set limits, especially when you are feeling overwhelmed by the depressed person's pain and tales of woe. To avoid burning out or experiencing hostility towards the depressed person, encourage him or her to seek professional help. Your role is that of a friend or family member, not a therapist or a medical doctor.
Take breaks. When you start to feel emotionally or physically drained, ask other friends and support people to relieve you. Then do things to nurture yourself.
Continue to pursue activities that bring you pleasure. Having fun will replenish you so that you can keep on giving.
Give yourself credit for all that you are doing-and realize that you cannot do everything. No matter how much you love another person, you cannot take responsibility for his or her life. Try to distinguish between what you can control (your own responses) and what you cannot (the course of the illness).
12) Finally, encourage the person you are caring for to create a support system of other caring people, or help him or her to do so. It takes a whole village to see someone through a dark night of the soul. You cannot transform the illness of depression by yourself, but you can be an integral part of the healing process.

Is Depression Treatable?

Depression is one of the most treatable mental illnesses. The American Psychiatric Association reports that "between 80 and 90 percent of all depressed people respond to treatment and nearly all depressed people who receive treatment experience at least some relief from their symptoms."
Along with the great strides made in understanding the causes of depression, scientists are closer to understanding how treatment of the illness works.
Medical/physical evaluation for treating depression:
Depression is a complex illness, and many factors in a depressed person's life may affect their condition. Therefore, a complete medical evaluation is essential. For example, some common illnesses and some commonly used medications can bring on depression. A medical evaluation will reveal the presence of these conditions or medicines.
The physician may also perform or order a physical exam for the patient to rule out an undiagnosed medical problem(s) that might lead to depressive illness.
A psychiatric history and a mental status examination will be performed to provide the patient's emotional background and uncover changes in the patient's mood, thoughts, patterns of speech, and memory.
Generally, based on the outcome of the evaluations, treatment for depressive disorders includes medication or psychotherapy, or a combination of the two treatment methods.

Ways To Help A Depressed Person

This information is from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Recognize the symptoms.
Convince the depressed person to get treatment or, in the case of a depressed child or adolescent, help the youngster get treatment.
Tell the depressed person that he or she is loved, deserves to feel better, and will feel better with appropriate treatment.
Recommend helping resources.
If the depressed person is not functioning, accompany him or her to treatment until normal function returns.
If the depressed person is too young or ill to provide needed information to the therapist, act as a go-between as long as needed.
If the depressed person is suicidal or having hallucinations or delusions, arrange for hospitalization.
If the depressed person is functional and refuses treatment, seek the assistance of others -- friends, doctor, clergy, relatives -- who might convince him or her that treatment is needed and will help.
Don't give up too soon -- the depressed person may have to hear more than once and from several people that he or she deserves to feel better and can, with proper treatment.
If all efforts to encourage the depressed person to seek treatment have failed, and the depressed person is having a demoralizing impact on those around, further action is needed:

- A supervisor might threaten personnel action unless the depressed employed gets treatment.

- A spouse, with the assistance of a mental health specialist, can explore separation from the depressed husband or wife who refuses treatment.

- Parents of a depressed adult can clarify, with the help of a mental health specialist, how much assistance to give their depressed offspring.

- Children, other relatives, friends, or doctors of a depressed older person can assist him or her to get help from a mental health specialist who has geriatric experience and who may be willing to reach out to the older person by telephone and home visits.

It isn't always easy to help the depressed person get treatment, but it can be done, and helping can make you both feel better.

What To Do When A Friend Is Depressed
A Guide for Teenagers

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Public Health Service Alcohol, Drug Abuse, and Mental Health Administration
As a teenager, you know that these school years can be complicated and demanding. Deep down, you are not quite sure of who you are, what you want to be, or whether the choices you make from day to day are the best decisions.
Sometimes the many changes and pressures you are facing threaten to overwhelm you. So it isn't surprising that from time to time you or one of your friends feels "down" or discouraged.
But what about those times when a friend's activity and outlook on life stay "down" for weeks and begin to affect your relationship? If you know someone like this, your friend might be suffering from depression. As a friend, you can help.
1. Find Out More About depression.
Q. What is depression?
A. Depression is more than the blues or the blahs; it is more than the normal, everyday ups and downs. When that "down" mood, along with other symptoms, lasts for more than a couple of weeks, the condition may be clinical depression. Clinical depression is a serious health problem that affects the total person. In addition to feelings, it can change behaviour, physical health and appearance, academic performance, and the ability to handle everyday decisions and pressures.
Q. What causes clinical depression?
A. We do not yet know all the causes of depression, but there seems to be biological and emotional factors that may increase the likelihood that an individual will develop a depressive disorder. Research over the past decade strongly suggests a genetic link to depressive disorders, depression can run in families. Bad life experiences and certain personality patterns such as difficulty handling stress, low self-esteem, or extreme pessimism about the future can increase the chances of becoming depressed.
Q. How common is it?
A. Clinical depression is a lot more common than most people think. It affects 10 million Americans every year. One-fourth of all women and one-eighth of all men will suffer at least one episode or occurrence of depression during their lifetimes. Depression affects people of all ages but is less common for teenagers than for adults. Approximately 3 to 5 percent of the teen population experiences clinical depression every year. That means among 100 friends, 4 could be clinically depressed.
Q. Is it serious?
A. Depression can be very serious. It has been linked to poor school performance, truancy, alcohol and drug abuse, running away, and feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. In the last 25 years, the rate of suicide among teenagers and young adults has increased dramatically. Suicide often is linked to depression.
Q. Are all depressive disorders alike?
A. There are various forms or types of depression. Some people experience only one episode of depression in their whole life, but many have several recurrences. Some depressive episodes begin suddenly for no apparent reason, while others can be associated with a life situation or stress. Sometimes people who are depressed cannot perform even the simplest daily activities - like getting out of bed or getting dressed; others go through the motions, but it is clear they are not acting or thinking as usual. Some people suffer from bipolar depression in which their moods cycle between two extremes - from the depths of despair to frenzied heights of activity or grandiose ideas about their own competence.
Q. Can it be treated?
A. Yes, depression is treatable. Between 80 and 90 percent of people with depression - even the most serious forms - can be helped. Symptoms can be relieved quickly with psychological therapies, medications, or a combination of both. The most important step toward treating depression - and sometimes the most difficult - is asking for help.
Q. Why don't people get the help they need?<
A. Often people don't know they are depressed, so they don't ask for - or get - the right help. Teenagers and adults share a problem - they often fail to recognize the symptoms of depression in themselves or in people they care about.
2. Be Able To tell Fact From Fiction.
Myths about depression separate people from the effective treatments now available. Friends need to know the facts. Some of the most common myths are these:
Myth: Teenagers don't suffer from "real" depression.
Fact: Depression can affect people at any age or of any race, ethnic, or economic group.
Myth: Teens who claim to be depressed are weak and just need to pull themselves together. There's nothing anyone else can do to help.
Fact: Depression is not a weakness, but a serious health disorder. Both young people and adults who are depressed need professional treatment. A trained therapist or counsellor can help them learn more positive ways to think about themselves, change behaviour, cope with problems, or handle relationships. A physician can prescribe medications to help relieve the symptoms of depression. For many people, a combination of psychological therapy and medication is beneficial.
Myth: Talking about depression only makes it worse.
Fact: Talking through feelings may help a friend recognize the need for professional help. By showing friendship and concern and giving uncritical support, you can encourage your friend to talk to his or her parents or another trusted adult, like a teacher or coach, about getting treatment. If your friend is reluctant to ask for help, you can talk to an adult - that's what a real friend will do.
Myth: People who talk about suicide don't commit suicide.
Fact: Many people who commit suicide have given warnings to friends and family. A signal or warning may be a statement such as "I wish I were dead," "I can't take it anymore; I want out," or "My parents would be better off without me." Some people even tell a friend about a plan to kill themselves before they actually do. If a friend talks like this, take it seriously! Immediately make a responsible adult aware of what your friend has said.
Myth: Telling an adult that a friend might be depressed is betraying a trust. If someone wants help, he or she will get it.
Fact: Depression, which saps energy and self-esteem, interferes with a person's ability or wish to get help. And many parents may not understand the seriousness of depression or of thoughts of death or suicide. It is an act of true friendship to share your concerns with a school guidance counsellor, a favourite teacher, your own parents, or another trusted adult.
3. Know The Symptoms.
The first step toward defeating depression is to define it. But people who are depressed often have a hard time thinking clearly or recognizing their own symptoms. They may need your help. Check the following lines if you notice a friend or friends with any of these symptoms persisting longer than two weeks.
Do they express feelings of
Sadness or "emptiness"?
Hopelessness, pessimism, or guilt?
Helplessness or worthlessness?
Do they seem
Unable to make decisions?
Unable to concentrate and remember?
To have lost interest or pleasure in ordinary activities - like sports or band or talking on the phone?
To have more problems with school and family?
Do they complain of
Loss of energy and drive - so they seem "slowed down"?
Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting up?
Appetite problems, are they losing or gaining weight?
Headaches, stomach aches, or backaches?
Chronic aches and pains in joints and muscles?
Has their behaviour changed suddenly so that
They are restless or more irritable?
They want to be alone most of the time?
They've started cutting classes or dropped hobbies and activities?
You think they may be drinking heavily or taking drugs?
Have they talked about
Death
Suicide - or have they attempted suicide?
4. Find Someone Who Can Help.
If you checked several of the symptoms, a friend may need help. Don't assume that someone else is taking care of the problem. Negative thinking, inappropriate behaviour, or physical changes need to be reversed as quickly as possible. Not only does treatment lessen the severity of depression, treatment also may reduce the length of time (duration) your friend is depressed and may prevent additional bouts of depression.

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0.	"What's your problem?"
1.	"Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"
2.	"Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"
3.	"You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."
4.	"But it's all in your mind."
5.	"I thought you were stronger than that."
6.	"No one ever said life was fair."
7.	"As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."
8.	"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
9.	"Do you feel better now?" (Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)
10.	"Why don't you just grow up?"
11.	"Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
12.	"There are a lot of people worse off than you."
13.	"You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"
14.	"It's a beautiful day!"
15.	"You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"
16.	"What do you have to be depressed about?"
17.	"Happiness is a choice."
18.	"You think you've got problems..."
19.	"Well at least it's not that bad."
20.	"Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."
21.	"There is always somebody worse off than you are."
22.	"Lighten up!"
23.	"You should get off all those pills."
24.	"You are what you think."
25.	"Cheer up!"
26.	"You're always feeling sorry for yourself."
27.	"Why can't you just be normal?"
28.	"Things aren't that bad, are they?"
29.	"Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"
30.	"You need to get out more."
31.	"We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]
32.	"Get a grip!"
33.	"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
34.	"Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."
35.	"Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"
36.	"Get a job!"
37.	"Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."
38.	"You don't look depressed!"
39.	"You're so selfish!"
40.	"You never think of anyone but yourself."
41.	"You're just looking for attention."
42.	"Have you got PMS?"
43.	"You'll be a better person because of it!"
44.	"Everybody has a bad day now and then."
45.	"You should buy nicer clothes to wear."
46.	"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
47.	"Why don't you smile more?"
48.	"A person your age should be having the time of your life."
49.	"The only one you're hurting is yourself."
50.	"You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."
51.	"This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL." (After confiding to supervisor about my depression.)
52.	"Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."
53.	"You brought it on yourself."
54.	"You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."
55.	"Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"
56.	"Why should I care?"
57.	"Snap out of it, will you?"
58.	"You want to feel this way."
59.	"You have no reason to feel this way."
60.	"Its your own fault."
61.	"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
62.	"You're always worried about your problems."
63.	"Your problems aren't that big."
64.	"What are you worried about? You should be fine."
65.	"Just don't think about it."
66.	"Go Away."
67.	"You don't have the ability to do it."
68.	"Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."
69.	"Go out and have some fun!"
70.	"You're making me depressed as well..."
71.	"I just want to help you."
72.	"The world out there is not that bad..."
73.	"Just try a little harder!"
74.	"Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."
75.	"You need a boy/girl-friend."
76.	"You need a hobby."
77.	"Just pull yourself together."
78.	"You'd feel better if you went to church."
79.	"I think your depression is a way of punishing us."
80.	"Sh*t or get off the pot."
81.	"So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"
82.	"What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."
83.	"You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting out of this."
84.	This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake, i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favours, schmuck."
85.	"Have you tried chamomile tea?"
86.	"You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass."
87.	"Oh, perk up!"
88.	"Try not being so depressed."
89.	"Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."
90.	"Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."
91.	"You have to take up your bed and carry on."
92.	"Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."
93.	"Well, we all have our cross to bear."
94.	"You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."
95.	"You change your mind."
96.	"You're useless."
97.	"Nobody is responsible for your depression."
98.	"You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."
99.	"Of course you're depressed, just look at the TV you watch/music you listen to."
100.	"People are depressed because they're too lazy to be happy."
101.	"Quit trying to be a martyr."
102.	"You're depressed because of demonic/Satan's influence in your life."

1.	"I love you!"
2.	"I Care"
3.	"You're not alone in this"
4.	"I'm not going to leave/abandon you"
5.	"Do you want a hug?"
6.	"I love you" (if you mean it).
7.	"It will pass, we can ride it out together."
8.	"When all this is over, I'll still be here" (if you mean it) "and so will you."
9.	"Don't say anything, just hold my hand and listen while I cry."
10.	"All I want to do know is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.."
11.	"Hey, you're not crazy!"
12.	"May the strength of the past reflect in your future."
13.	"God does not play dice with the universe." - A. Einstein
14.	"A miracle is simply a do-it-yourself project." - S. Leek
15.	"We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through" - (from someone's sig)
16.	"If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." - a codeveloper of Prozac, quoted from "Listening to Prozac"
17.	"You have so many extraordinary gifts--how can you expect to live an ordinary life?" - from the movie "Little Women" (Marmee to Jo)
18.	"I understand your pain and I empathize"
19.	"I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me."
20.	"I listen to you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you. I just can't imagine how hard it must be."
21.	"I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion."
22.	"You are important to me."
23.	"If you need a friend....." (and mean it)

-	A supervisor might threaten personnel action unless the depressed employed gets treatment.
-	A spouse, with the assistance of a mental health specialist, can explore separation from the depressed husband or wife who refuses treatment.
-	Parents of a depressed adult can clarify, with the help of a mental health specialist, how much assistance to give their depressed offspring.
-	Children, other relatives, friends, or doctors of a depressed older person can assist him or her to get help from a mental health specialist who has geriatric experience and who may be willing to reach out to the older person by telephone and home visits.