One wonders after reading that heading… Journey to Freedom? My word, what is that woman talking about? Is she running for the border? Hmmmm.. my friends, it is the most wonderful freedom “ANYONE” can experience. My freedom is being broken from the darkness and brought into the light. Let me tell you my story………..
Many times in the past I had been through broken relationships, a prisoner of alcohol, lies, deceit and etc.
That was all I knew. Of course, I would repent and get back on track and then again I would go right back
into the worldly things.. (bars, losing relationships, etc.) Years went by and I was back living with my parents “again” feeling no self worth, depression set in, eating disorders.. well I call it a disorder.I couldn’t get food to go in fast enough even though I wasn’t hungry. That is a disorder, right??? it’s a disorder only if chocolate is not added. (Gotta love that one)
I knew I needed a change. A fresh approach. A mission. A plan. I needed to find stability in my life and I wasn’t looking in the right places. I ran into a friend/bar acquaintance (go figure) and she had mentioned that she was going to church on Sunday and I went.. “do WHAT”??? She said, yeah, I go to church. I went.. wait a minute.. how can you go to church and then go to bars???? (She is a work in progress too) I said, I have to see this for myself. Now in the meantime I needed religion in my life but didn’t know how bad til I attended a particular service. I met her at church that Sunday and I had visited once there before, but this time it was different. The music started playing and I felt a complete sadness or this strange feeling I had never experienced before. We sang a series of songs… my favorite song “I Exhalt Thee”. Something about that song.. singing it over and over and over.. I began to get light hearted and what were these??? “tears”??? I wasn’t ABOUT to cry in that congregation and have all these holy rollers come over there and start putting their hands on me.. Nope, wasn’t gonna do it. Well, I went home knowing.. this is for me. Now the church I wasn’t comfortable with, but I “KNEW” this was for me.
That very day, I whispered a very vague sinners prayer. “Lord, forgive me for my sins and come into my heart. Change me forever, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Wait.. where is the fireworks? The floating feeling? I had spoken the sinners prayer several times in my childhood and I didn’t feel giggly. I knew something was wrong. I tried it again….and again… “NOTHING”. I woke up on Monday destined to find out why. I had done what Charles Stanley told me to do. In fact, I recited it with him. Hmmmm what am I doing wrong?
Well a couple of days later I asked my neighbor Vicki Henexson if I could attend church with her and her grandchildren. She said, well of course!!! I went in the church for the first time and felt at ease and knew this was the place where I hoped my questions would be answered. “Nothing happened.” Then the next Wednesday all of my children were with me in church and they thought it was “VERY COOL” . They really enjoyed the church. Now during this time the social drinking is still going on and of course ya cant have a beer without a cigarette!!! The next following events are forever changing. (God is so good)
You can start laughing now because this next portion of my story gets “REALLY REALLY GOOD”
It was the beginning of the weekend. I had no children over this weekend and absolutely NOTHING to do. I heard on a Christian radio station (94.9 KLTY) that there was a Womens Conference going on at American Airlines Center. Tickets were sold out and the ONLY way to get these tickets was to win them from the radio station. I turned the radio on at work but I was distracted by phone calls, co workers coming in the office. Right when it would get quiet, someone would be on the radio giving out his or her name of the newest winner. “BUMMER”
I paged an associate by accident on Friday to discuss some issues coming up on Tuesday that were work related. There was this LOUD background noise like a football game or something. I said, “Tiffany, girl…. Where are you at”. She said, I’m at a Womens Conference… I said. “Oh no your not at the Women of Faith Conference are you”? She excitedly said “YES”.. Boy I didn’t like her at that moment…in fact I hated her “just kidding” but the jealousy and envy just warmed over me because I was suppose to be at that conference dang it!!!!
I told her about my incident a couple of weeks ago about giving my life to Jesus (now mind you, I’m still thinking I didn’t do it right). She said, “Oh Melissa, I’ll pray that you win these tickets” but I have to go and I’ll pray for you. Well, a couple of hours passed and I didn’t hear anyone winning anymore tickets so I called the radio station. A bubbly personality answered the phone and I asked, “ Are you still giving Women of Faith tickets away”. No ma’am we gave out our last pair this morning. At this very moment, I hated her too. (just kidding) Well I started to get mad. I said OUTLOUD… “God I’m suppose to be there”. I tell you what God…if it’s YOUR will for me to be there… YOU put me there, because to be honest with you, I’m frustrated and I’m tired. I thought well I will go to the Womens Expo at the Market Center. That’s something to do with women at least. Maybe I’ll find out how to lose these awful 20 lbs that are hindering my hiney.
Well to gloat over my eventless weekend, I went to the gift shop to get some chips to devour in pity on. I came back to the office. Checked voice mails. I had a voice mail from Tiffany. She was out of breath and excited about something. Here is the message “word from word”. I still keep this message to remind me just how good God is.
“Melissa, this is Tiffany, listen it’s 2:15. I just got you a ticket.. I was sitting next to a woman that was friends with somebody and….and.. here anyway.. there is a ticket at the Will Call station for tonight’s events as well as tomorrow!!!!!… You’ve got the ticket GIRL!!.. I wish you could hear the excitement in her voice. She was MORE excited than I was.
Don’t you think for ONE MOMENT that I didn’t grab my purse, get my keys and I was out the door to go get that ticket. Satan nor ANYONE was going to take something from me that I “KNEW” was planned just for me. Not knowing where I was going I got there.. and I went to the Will Call ticket booth and yes indeed there it was. An envelope with “MY” name on it. Yes sir that’s right. Melissa Epperson. I beamed alllll the way home. Singing songs of praise, etc.
I immediately drove home and was so excited to tell Daddy. We watch Charles Stanley and Joel Olsteen FAITHFULLY every Sunday. He sat me down and said these words. Now Lisa, I’ve seen you this way many times before. But this time, YOU have to make the right decision and only YOU can make it. If this is what you TRULY want, then I’m behind you all the way. But I’m telling you girl, “Say what you mean, DO as you say”.
That stuck with me.
I turned into bed that evening kinda early. Oh gosh, it’s Friday night and I’m in bed at 7:30 PM.. What is WRONG with this picture!! I couldn’t wait for daybreak. Got up, had some coffee and prayed to God that I made it there safely and I did of course. I arrived and noticed women in groups of 2, 7, 20! And here I was “alone”. I didn’t care. I WAS THERE. This type of character was not me. I would NEVER go into a restaurant alone because of wondering what people were thinking or talking about me, I just wouldn’t do it. But the fear was no where NEAR me. I walked proudly because “I” was going to “Women of Faith”. I went to an attendant not knowing where I was suppose to go, nor did I know which seat was mine. She said, follow me. She walked me down.. Did you just read that? Wait a minute, I’m sure I’m suppose to be in the nose bleed section or for goodness sake a reserved seating in the bathroom. I didn’t care, as long as I heard the Word of God, I just wanted to hear it. We kept going down and down and down.
OH MY WORD, I’m on the FLOOR! I have floor seating!!! I’m not talking 30th row people, I’m talking 1st row tickets. This has GOT to be a mistake. I asked and confirmed this is really mine? No ma’am no mistake. Your seat is right here. Oh my goodness. 1st row, 8th seat…. RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE FRONT OF THAT STAGE. Lord, I’m not blind just hard of hearing at times. I guess He wanted me not to miss a word (smile).
In awe, I just sat there. I sat there alone. The only person on that row (I was kinda early, I was only about 45 minutes EARLY!!! (Don’t tell me I wasn’t excited). But I said to myself… “God do you see me”? Do you really see me? I’m here for you and you made it happen. Lord, “Thank You”
The seminar started and the worship and praise music was astounding. They posted the words on the monitors for all of us to sing. So basically these words I was singing, saying outloud was being said DIRECTLY TO HIM.
There was a particular moment that I knew this was it. Now mind you, I’m thinking I still didn’t do it right before (sinners prayer). During break, I went into this room they designated for people who needed prayer or for those who gave their lives to the Lord. Of all places the room was called The #7 Jack Daniel’s Club (I about bust a gut on that one). I went to the restroom quickly and then went to a bar stool and this beautiful young blonde with the most sweetest gentle voice came up to me and said, “Do you need someone to pray “WITH” you. I said, “Girl you have NO idea.” We chuckled and she took me over to this table. I began to tell her about me saying the simple Sinners Prayer and how I felt that I didn’t do it right, blah blah blah.. she went STOP.
Melissa, you did it right. It’s satan telling you that you didn’t. I told her but I just wanted to stop the drinking and the cigarette smoking and all of a sudden… TEARS started coming from my eyes. …. I couldn’t talk. She said, Melissa you are confessing your sins “one by one” and you are forgiven. I told her I knew God loved me but I was having problems understanding him or praising someone I didn’t see. She said, Melissa, God has always been there, he was just waiting for you when you were ready… And then she prayed, “Lord I come in awe of you for bringing Melissa to me and having her share her babysteps with me……… and then at that moment I was REALLY crying. The next thing I knew, all of the burden of alcoholism was lifted from me.. the burden of cigarettes were lifted off me. Let me tell you something people, when God heals you “YOU KNOW IT” I knew at that very moment THAT VERY MOMENT my life would be forever changed.
I hugged Hillary and went on my merry way with the widest smile, the glowing face of God’s love and the snottiest nose I had EVER had. (had to give you a visual).
Well on my way home, I was just a praising His name, lifting up my hands while I was driving (of course I had one on the steering wheel). I’m crazy at times.. not stupid.
Got home and I was so excited but I kept my excitement at a moderate level. When I arrived home.. my parents were drinking with neighbors so I just walked in and started relaxing. Whew what a day.
I went to the bible that night still pumped up on His word. I said, “Lord, I never can remember scripture”. . I mean I know John 3:16, The Lord’s Prayer and of course the Serenity Prayer but I can never remember anything else. Do you know that I remember something from the seminar about seeking. So I went to the cheat sheet of the Bible.. (the index of course) for the word “seeking”. Matthew 7:7. I didn’t flip pages I mean I’m talking it went DIRECTLY to that book AND chapter… YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Goose bumps the size of golf balls raised up on my arms….
I read outloud. Matthew 7:7. Seek and ye shall find. (YOU), FIND…. That must’ve been me looking to find Jesus or hope. Knock and the door shall be opened. “Knock.. I’ve been banging at something but wasn’t sure if it was my heart or God… Ask and you shall receive. OH MY GOSH. (GULP) Lord, I (JUST) asked you to help me remember a scripture and you … YOU DID!!!
I sat there in awe and cried my eyes out. I jumped up, hurried to get my purse and grab that highlighter out and highlight that verse. That very verse will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. Thank you Jesus…
Well let me tell you what happened. That Sunday, I walked into church, shook the pastor’s hand. He asked, how are you doing” I said, “I’m DOING GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT” He went WHOA. .ok??
After the pastor’s sermon he asked the congregation if anyone wanted to get right with God or join the church to please come forward. I ran to the front. Well, let’s say I hurdled over the people in the pew in front of me and THEN I went before the congregation (heads bowed) of course. I said to myself.. I don’t care what people think. I’m responsible for myself and I’m doing it. I’m joining this church.
I mentioned it to him about what happened over the weekend and of course he stopped the music and announced to EVERYONE.. (YES EVERYONE) that I had come to him to tell my great news and to join the church. EVERYONE was staring at me and he asked if I would like to tell my story. The next move that Bro. Dale made was something he should have NEVER done.. (HA HA) he gave me the microphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I began to tell my story and then here they came again.. my tears.. unable to talk, breath.. and oh my ..the never ending snot. The things that were coming out of my mouth I just couldn’t control.I gave the microphone back to Bro. Dale and a voice whispered in my ear. You have just embarrassed and humiliated yourself. I left there very happy to be a member of that church but just ashamed that I embarrassed myself. I went home and cried. I am not a motivational speaker. How could God have let me do that?
I went back to church that evening still feeling uneasy and somewhat embarrassed. After service I asked Bro. Dale… did I say too much this morning? This overwhelming feeling of embarrassment came over me. Bro. Dale said, “Stop right there Melissa”. That’s the devil. Satan is lying to you and he’s deceiving you. Just remember this…. “You have the power over satan and he knows this.” You were once a prized possession of his and he is mad. Whatever he says is a LIE. God LOVES you and again you did the right thing. He said, “Sometimes even satan trips up on my sermons but I know that it’s him and I cast him away.
Hmmmm “I have that authority”? Looked it up and low and behold.. I can kick satan to the curb ANYTIME I want to. Ha ha ha what a joyful word.. Kick him to the curb. Gotta love it.
Anyway, I hope this has blessed you as much as it has me. My everyday walk with God will be baby steps.. remember I’m on babies milk. I wonder if I can get that in skim?? “Less fat ya know”
"God loves you...
Trust and believe that He is there every step of the way
and He will pick you up when you stumble or fall..."
In Him,
Melissa.Copyright © 2005 Melissa D. Epperson.
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