Wanting to thank you for your letter. I have many times tried to write to you about dad and always had to stop because I just couldn't get it all down. I kept mixing up parts that happened and it just never seemed right. So, I have decided to just write and not try and explain all. I am unsure as to what you heard about dad being in heaven but I know it all extended from mom's 54 day stay in the hospital. Everything that happened, and even things before, all played a part in my dad's salvation.A few years back my Associate Pastor mentioned to the congregation a study he wanted to do with two people. It was called EE (Evangelism Explosion) and he asked us to pray about it to see if we were the right person to take the course. I prayed and felt, Yes, I need this, but I was scared as the course contained much to study and much memorization. I have a difficult time with memorizing anything. I read all the time, but ask me what a book was about a year later and I can only give basics. I kept finding excuses within myself. It was not until he flat out asked me if I would be interested and he told me he felt God was calling me and one other man for this study. So, I accepted, but with much fear.
It was a 13 week study (class being 2 hours, once a week) and it was fantastic. The course taught us different verses that have a play in salvation and taught us how to talk to people about their salvation. It was a facile way to share our faith with others. (See enclosed papers)
Two days after my mom's heart surgery is when she caught that C-Diff infection which kept her in the hospital so long a time. Even though I spent every day with her, I still had time at night to speak to my dad. It was through this time that I believe he accepted Christ as his Saviour. With my EE course I learned what verses to give to people to help them understand better. When I would speak to dad about God he would always tell me, "I believe in God and Jesus. I believe Jesus was God's Son and died on the cross for us and was resurrected."
My very favourite verse to help me with this and the one I spoke many times to dad was the verse that is found in James 2:19. I explained to him that just believing there is a God and Jesus would not get him into heaven. Through this verse Satan believes in God as well and we all know Satan will not be there. He needed to put his complete trust in Jesus. In other words, knowing about God and Knowing God are two tremendously different scenarios.
I also tried to have him focus on the good things that were happening with mom and hopefully lead his mind away from the bad. I noticed how each and every day her IV's were coming off, one by one. She started out with approx.10. After about a week one would come off each day or two. Granted she was having other problems but I needed to find the good in each problem and relate all to my dad. When they told me she needed dialysis, I found the good by it being necessitated only one time.
I started to notice a change in my dad. Dad was always "the man." Ya know, men are supposed to be rough and tough. They say things without thinking. (Said facetiously)
He would eradicate my heart many times when he would use God's name in vain. To him, it was just normal talk. When I would approach him about it all he would say is, "Oh you know I am not mad at God. It's just the way I talk." He wouldn’t have to be angry to use those words, just normal conversation. I noticed for the past year or so he would start to say it, then back off. He even made mention about those words to his friend John. When John would say those 2 words my dad would tell him to stop talking like that or he would never get to heaven. For some reason I never took this comment to his friend as him being saved. I just thought, Wow, after all these years, dad finally learned not to say it.
Dad also started to listen to some Christian music. A friend of mine copied a tape for him for Christmas 2 years ago and it had some religious songs on it, some Country and Western, and some from the 40's and 50's. He even had a tape from Aunt Doris where Debbie Vaughan was singing. He would listen to these two tapes, over and over. I do believe it started somewhat before mom was put in the hospital for the heart surgery.
While she was in the hospital I spent the nights downstairs. I did not want dad to be alone because of his strange acting diabetes. He would wake up many times during the nights and his sugar would be as low as 40. So I knew I had to be there in case this happened. He would be so weak and could barely move or talk when this happened.
So many nights I would hear him singing along with some of the songs. Many times before bed and even after mom came home throughout the day he would be talking the words. For months he kept repeating over and over~~(This is a song by Elvis Presley)
You may ask me how I know my Lord is real, you may doubt the things I say and doubt the way I feel. But I know He’s real today, He'll always be, I can feel His Hand in mine and that's enough for me. (This is where I truly falter. I am so ashamed of myself. I didn't realize that this way his way of telling me that he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Saviour. This is my struggle now but I don't know why. This is also the song we had played as all walked past his casket for the last time.)
When dad went to the hospital, I didn't realize this was his time. He was having an arduous time in swallowing but I just thought his acid reflux was starting up. Because of this I stayed with him all 3 meals, to help feed him, so the nurses wouldn’t have to and so they wouldn’t keep telling him how he must eat. For 4 days, I spent every day, all day with him.
I did the same for 54 days when my mom was in and I had not ONCE felt the way I did as the day my dad went to be in Christ's presence. That morning the doctor put my dad back in ICU. For some reason I was extremely fatigued. I felt as if my legs were ready to fall out from under me. They were very heavy. I followed dad up to ICU and about 20 minutes later my mom and daughter in law came to visit him. Mom stayed about an hour in a half and due to her back pain she could not stay much longer.
When it was time for my DIL to take my mom home, I decided to go too so I could just lay down for an hour or so. I told dad that I would be back in a few hours and he said, "OK, just make sure you come back so you can give me my water because the nurses are to busy to come in and out every few minutes." I told him that I would send Kenny and Valerie up to see him while I was gone. I kissed him goodbye and told him that I loved him for the last time, here on earth.
When I got home I found out that my glasses were ready for pickup and asked Kenny to just go get them and then to go see grandpa. As he and Valerie were heading out the door I decided that we could pick up my glasses any time. No big hurry. I told them to just go sit with grandpa until I return.
Before I went to bed, I prayed. I asked God that were it not to be in His plans to make dad the same way he was or healthier than to just please take him. After about 20 minutes in bed I heard someone talking on my answering machine. I listened and it was Kenny. I thought he and Valerie were playing around like they usually do. They enjoy calling me and saying silly things such as, "Come on Mommy. Get out of bed. Wake up. Hello?? Hello??? They do this a lot. I was immediately angry, thinking how rude of them to play around now, when they knew how exhausted I was. I jumped out of bed and while heading for the phone I realized that Kenny was crying and practically in hysterics.
I answered the phone, knowing. Kenny just kept screaming and crying. All I could make out was, "Mom, they are working on grandpa." My mind was truly in a whirl. I just left dad. He was talking. (Talking enough that he had even been complaining because the nurses would not allow him to sit in the chair, hehe) Did he die or is he alive? What do I tell my mom? Yet, even being in this winded mind, I felt peace. No emotional hurt at all.
Because of all the incredible peace I felt, I knew dad went to heaven, and was hoping they would not bring him back. I did not cry. I just kept telling Kenny, "Kenny, grandpa can now see!! How amazing is that ?" That's all I kept repeating. I also told him that grandpa was ours for so many years and it was now time to share him with his other two daughters. Aunt Lucille, I was at such peace that it scared me. How could I not be hurt when I KNEW how much I loved my dad? I hung up with Kenny and immediately called my Pastor.
When I got to the hospital Kenny and Valerie told me how grandpa passed. They were only there for about 20 minutes before he died. (God knew were the kids to have picked up my glasses first, they would not have witnessed this.) Valerie was holding his hand and he was complaining because he was having a hard time lifting his legs up, off the bed. He asked Kenny to help him lift one leg up. Kenny did and then he lifted his other leg up by himself and was happy that he was able to. He then coughed a little and let out a small grunt and said, "Lord if you can't make me well then get me outta here, just take me home, I am ready." After a few minutes he coughed a small cough again~~his eyes opened wide~~he looked upwards~~gave a slight smile~~flatline.
After my dad's funeral (Shows how many I have went to as I didn't know the family usually invites people over, something we did not do) my brother was standing on my porch and looked vacant so I went out there. He told me there was something he had to tell me but he couldn't do it as of yet or he would break down. He said that when he is able to it is indeed significant with how dad passed. It took him 6 months to tell me about it. He emailed in September and told me this. When he and his wife were up here at the time mom was hospitalized those many days he and dad were sitting at the kitchen table just chit chatting.
The conversation took a quiet turn and dad was just staring into empty space. Brent sat quiet and when dad spoke he told my brother "When I die I promise you, I will not be afraid and I will go with a smile on my face." This caught Brent in utter surprise as they weren't even speaking about death. Our good ole dad always kept his promises, even until his last moments. My brother and I call that "The Promised Smile."
Now, what I find so amazing and totally from God is the way he passed. Since dad was blind his eyes were never fully open, only partially. For him to open his eyes wide and to smile no one can tell me that he did not see Christ coming for him. I have heard many people say that perhaps a loved one or an angel come for you. I find no Biblical proof on that but what I do find is where Jesus says "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."
Well I suppose that is about it for now. Many more things happened but such is sufficient for this letter. I thank you again for your letter to me and want to let you know your encouragement meant a great deal. I shall keep on praying for my mom. Thank you.
My letter here has turned into a novel so I shall write you at a later time and let you know about my children. They are all doing well.
Take care and be blessed
P.S. My dad passed away on March 4, 2005
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