Timeline.
July 30, 1963
Born in Wisconsin to E and J.

December 28, 1965
Sister T. born

October 3, 1966
Brother T. born.

December, 1967 ?


Mother taken away by police after some kind of breakdown. I can still see cans and jars hitting the wall as she was throwing them. Father got us into bedroom and called police. Mother now denies this and said she accidentally took too many sleeping pills because my brother had cholic and she was getting no sleep. My father told police she was attempting suicide. (her version) Either way they took her away and I haven’t seen her since but once (later in timeline).
Was told she spent next 2 and a half years in state mental hospital. She says she spent 4 months there voluntarily.

January, 1968 - ? 1970
Father put the 3 of us in first foster home. No explanation ever given. Mother says now that her name was forged on the paperwork to give up all custody of us as they divorced.
Have very vague memories of that home. Was shuffled around thru 11 different homes of which only 3 were with my siblings.
No memory of most homes but remember feeling confused and unwanted. Some homes I remember too well.

1)
Was put by myself in a home in Sun Prairie, WI. Foster father was police officer. They ignored me completely and did nothing to stop their 14 y.o. son from beating me up all the time. Remember walking to school, slipping on ice and impaling my left hand on chain link fence. Still have scar. Asked social worker to move me finally.

2)
Home in Black Creek, WI with the M's. This time I was together with my brother and sister. These people were very physically abusive. Was beaten at least once a day with Hot Wheel tracks or most commonly a thick leather belt on bare behind. Remember that if I didn't cry I'd be beaten harder and if I did cry I'd be beaten harder for crying. Once beaten with belt because I contracted the mumps and couldn't go to school. This was final home before father got remarried and took us back (see below)

3)
As stated earlier, don't have recollection of most homes in much detail, but remember the things done and said. Most were emotionally abusive.
I was constantly being told I was worthless, didn't deserve to live, nobody wanted or loved me and everything was my fault, among other things I remember hurt but not what they were. I came to believe it all.
Most of the homes used the state money for my care on themselves. I received little in clothes, toys, or even food. Was always hungry.
Early on I began to withdraw and became very shy and afraid of everything. Other children picked on me a lot because of this so I never had many friends.
Other homes were physically abusive (or they may have been same homes). I remember once being held against the wall being choked while being told I shouldn't be allowed to live.
Don't remember if I passed out but remember being afraid and throat was very sore for days. Was often beaten for no reason or no reason I could understand.
At night in all these homes I would hide under the covers and pray to God to deliver me to a loving family and cry myself to sleep.
I prayed to be with my mother and father and siblings again.
I had nightmares of vampires and tornados a lot (not really sure why).

? 1970 - ? 1973
My father remarried and took us children back. My step-mother was nice for first year or so until she gave birth to a daughter of her own, then we became the "other" children and were generally ignored. I was so happy to be back with my family. I realize now just how bad they were as parents. We were not physically abused but were neglected a lot.
Their punishment was always the same. I was forced to sit on the wooden steps leading up to my bedroom (whole top floor) for 8 hours minimum and often 12 hours. Just sit, no eating, no going to the bathroom (if I messed myself time was added), no talking nothing.
Amused myself often by taking off the light switch cover and zapping myself on the wires. My brother and sister were younger and would go to sleep and be carried off to their beds but I would be woken up if I tried to sleep. Was very hard on the butt. At the time I did not think of this as abuse and loved my family very much.

I attended 2nd grade thru part of 5th grade here. Although I was bullied a lot I look fondly back on those years.

Warning! Graphic account.
On the weekends my dad and step-mother would leave us at a guy's house whom I thought was an uncle at that time. Nice guy during the daytime as he would take us down to the hobby store and buy us models and other stuff for my younger siblings to play with.
At night came the horror. I had to sleep in his bed and almost immediately he began to molest me. He put Vaseline on his penis and forced himself into my rectum.
The pain was horrible. I bled a lot but no matter how much I cried he would just pound me harder. He sometimes urinated inside me.
Often he would put his erect penis into my mouth and smack me if I bit. He would urinate in my mouth as well as ejaculate, both of which almost choked me. I could hardly breathe. He'd laugh while he was doing these things. I was so scared and in pain. I didn’t understand any of what he was doing to me.
I'd never seen an erect penis before and did not know what his sperm was. All I knew was it hurt and it felt somehow wrong.
He would never let me wash my mouth out after ejaculating or urinating into it and if I tried to spit it out he hit me so I was forced to swallow it. I remember seeing blood on his sheets and on his penis.

Friday and Saturday nights he did this. During the week I could barely walk and it was painful to have a bowel movement. Then the whole thing would start over the next weekend.
Sometimes I'd be at his house for a week because of holidays or during the summer. I was afraid of him but still enjoyed being there in the daytime.
I didn't think anything of what he was doing to me as it became a routine.
Thought it was just something that happened although I didn't like it. I do not remember whether I ever tried to tell anyone. I think but am not sure he told me that if I told anyone I'd be taken away from my parents again.
His name was Laverne. He never touched my brother or sister although my brother told me years later he once saw him masturbating. This went on for about 2 and a half years.

I think maybe I may have told about him because the last 5-6 months of living there my parents took us to a park and left us there all day on weekends instead of his house. I don't know. No one ever spoke to me about him.
They took us to the park and left us there all day with nothing to eat so we would beg at people's houses. Sometimes people would be nice and give us a sandwich and a can of soda.
Again, I did not think of this as neglect but rather enjoyed being away from Laverne. The hunger would get pretty bad sometimes if our begging didn't succeed. I loved my dad although I was a little afraid of my step-mother.

One day some people came and took my sister away. No explanation was given and if I kept asking where she was I was told to shut up and go sit on the stairs.
I missed her and cried for her a lot. I prayed in secret for her to come back but she didn't.
A few months later they came and took me away to another foster home. I cried so hard and stopped believing in God because I didn't think He was listening to my prayers. Again, no explanation was given to me.

? 1973 - ? 1974 This 12th foster home was with some people from India. He sold AAA insurance so he traveled some. They took me to Washington, D.C., New York City, Niagara Falls, and thru Ontario before coming back down thru Michigan around the lake back up to Madison.
I was nearly killed in New York. I was waiting in the back seat of the car and was supposed to put money in the meter. I looked and there was no traffic so I opened the door and put one foot out.
A taxi came out of nowhere and hit the door knocking it off. A second later and I would have been crushed along with the door. My foster dad kept jabbing me in the back with his car keys until I was bleeding because of that. Didn't even seem to matter that I was nearly killed. He believed whatever it was the taxi driver told him.
Most of the time they were nice people though. They took me to many different types of churches, tho they were Hindus.
They took me to a Jewish synagogue, a Muslim temple, an Ecumenical church, and the Unitarian church they belonged to (not sure why they went there if they were Hindus).

They took me to some sort of international banquet once where they had food from all over the world. They did not eat pork or beef although for me they would make hamburgers. Lots of curried food of course.
They did not celebrate birthdays or Christmas so I received no presents on either day.
After school, I wasn't allowed to play but had to study algebra even tho I was only in 5th grade. I still have that stupid book. His favorite punishment was twisting my ears until they bled.

One day we went down to Chicago. We pulled into a gas station and a woman in a jogging suit and blond hair came up to the car. He starts telling me to give this woman a hug and kiss which of course I wouldn't do. She didn't say very much and I had no idea who she was.
Three weeks later my social worker told me it was my real mother. I got very angry because I hadn't been told then, but I think she wanted to see me but if I had known it was her she would not have known how to act.
It's the only time I saw her since I was 4 and a half.
I finished 5th grade and started 6th grade in this home.

? 1974 - October 1974
I was adopted by a family in Buffalo Grove, IL. They came to the United Way to see me and took me on a trial weekend. They adopted me and I was happy again because they were very loving people.
I still missed my real family, but felt loved for the first time.
I was now Tim S. instead of Tim T.
Not really much to tell about these people other than what I said about them being loving. I was a pretty messed up child by this time being very shy and quiet but easily flying into a temper tantrum. After 3 months with them I was taken away to a foster home again.
The story I was given was that my adopted father had developed a brain tumor and they just couldn't handle a child like me. I cried very hard and tried to open the car door and run back to them. It was the last time I ever cried.
I attended another part of 6th grade there.

October, 1974 - July 30, 1976
I came to my 13th and final foster home with the W's. They had 3 other foster children and a 5 month old daughter naturally. They lived in Janesville, WI.
I clashed with my foster mother from the start, but not nearly as much as it would get later. They tried to be patient with me and were very loving people.
I had 2 sets of grandparents on both my parents' sides thru divorces and remarriages. They welcomed me also.

They were both teachers with master's degrees in special education, behavioral problem kids and mental retardation, so they were well equipped to deal with a child like me.
I was very emotionally disturbed at this point. I rarely spoke, always looked at the ground and shuffled my feet a lot. I was convinced that this wouldn't last either.
My foster mother went to the hospital for a hysterectomy and my foster dad came home and found me packing my stuff because I thought I was going to be sent away again. My mother told that story uncounted times.

They attended a non-denominational church but I was through with God and no longer believed in Him. I had a fairly normal life with them but still resisted their love because I wanted my real Dad and brother and sister. My 16 y.o. foster brother Jim introduced me to marijuana when I was 11 and I smoked it with him often.
I finished 6th thru 8th grades during this time.

July 30, 1976 - June 1981
The W's adopted me on my 13th birthday. The social worker gave me a choice of being adopted by them or a wealthy couple in Tennessee.
I wanted to go to Tennessee, but didn't want to hurt the W's so I couldn't make up my mind. The social worker made my mind up for me and told them I wanted to stay.
So they had a combination birthday and adoption party for me at my mother's parent's country club.

During the next few years whenever my mom and I would be fighting I'd tell her I wanted to be moved again but after one year the adoption became permanent.
I also told her I really had wanted to go to Tennessee. I was pretty mean to her. I had a lot of anger inside me and let it out by breaking things, arguing with my mom, and once took a bunch of 45 records and using them as Frisbees embedded them in my walls.
I had to plaster every hole. I never felt any love for them and still don't to this day. I'm grateful they took me in but still think of myself as a T. I hated my baby sister and really all babies because it was a baby that cost me my life with my dad and step-mother.

I finished 9th and 10th grades before we moved to Columbia, MO in July of 1979. I graduated from Hickman in 1981.
When I was 17, I was walking home from work (Red Lobster) along Rangeline when I was asked by a black man across the street what time it was. As I was looking at my watch he suddenly dashed over and pulled a knife out.

At that time there were fields and trees where the Amoco station is now. He forced me into the trees and made me kneel while he put his penis in my mouth.
When I tried to bite it he drew blood on my back with the knife. Then he made me drop my pants and lay face down on the ground while he attempted to sodomize me.
He couldn't get it in because it hurt too much so he finally gave up. He stole my money and watch and told me to lay there still nude for 5 minutes while he ran away.
I got dressed and finished walking home. The watch was my dad's and rather than tell him what really happened I told him I had lost it and was grounded for a week.
I told him many years later what had really happened but he didn't remember it.

It was also at this age that I began to think about suicide a lot. I did strange things out in the woods often such as tying a shirt around my neck while holding my breath (always with cigarette smoke as this seemed to make the experience more likely to succeed).
Sometimes I tied shirts around a low hanging branch and let myself hang there hoping I'd pass out.
I ate berries from trees thinking they were poison and then threw them up. I stuck thorns from those huge thorn trees into my large veins in my arms to try and bleed to death.
I couldn't get up the courage to actually hang myself high in a tree tho I stood on branches with a shirt around my neck many times.

Once I deliberately broke my glasses so I (thought) I'd have more of a reason to kill myself and then took a whole box of Dramamine.
I just slept.

Tim.

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